the colors of you
the colors of you
2024-05-08 17:53:01 +0000 UTC View Post
adultland posts
When we talk about being honest, living with integrity, here..
When we talk about being honest, living with integrity, here are some questions to help you figure out your perspective and where you might need to take some time to sort out your thoughts, your words, and your actions, and get them all aligned ✨
Resource is from "Coffee with the Sarlos," in their episode "The Universal Law of Honesty (EP 231)."
Got my copy! It's smaller than I thought it would be. I feel..
Got my copy! It's smaller than I thought it would be. I feel like most everyone I know has been affected by verbal abuse-- especially if we were raised by boomers or the silent generation. Look at my last post for the 15 forms of verbal abuse. And, if you're interested, get the book and read along with me ❤️
2024-05-07 04:01:26 +0000 UTC View PostHi!! I have been doing some deep self work and have been gui..
Hi!! I have been doing some deep self work and have been guided to some incredible resources that I thought I'd share with you
💕
Up until last week, I did not recognize some of these to be abusive-- and then recounting the circumstances where these have occurred in my life to me or from me, I am recognizing that they indeed are. Time for an apology tour!
😭
People (and children) who are surrounded by these grow up typically to become people pleasers, which is abusive in and of itself, which I also did not recognize.
There are books I have been recommended which I'm listing below
⬇️
This topic may seem heavy or not appropriate for an OF page, but you know you're in Adelaide's Adultland!!! Which means we're here to become the best version of ourselves, which means being honest with ourselves, which means understanding how our perceptions and actions affect our behaviors and ultimately our relationship to ourselves and others.
🥰
Books:
The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans
The Nice Girl Syndrome by Beverly Engel
Perfectly Hidden Depression by Margaret Rutherford
sometimes you gotta crop close to make a big impact
sometimes you gotta crop close to make a big impact
2024-05-01 17:45:01 +0000 UTC View Postthe light on the under boob in the first picture 🤌🏻
the light on the under boob in the first picture 🤌🏻
2024-04-29 17:43:03 +0000 UTC View Post
I borrowed an xpan and took long exposure photographs in the..
I borrowed an xpan and took long exposure photographs in the smallest woods
2024-04-22 17:31:02 +0000 UTC View PostReading some of my writing from yesterday. I had a nice holi..
Reading some of my writing from yesterday. I had a nice holiday 💨🌱 High-ly intentional ☺️ A group of women met for a 420-and-write event. A group of women is so healing to be around. My body was so relaxed and clear. I even wrote prompts for people in case they were inspired to use (:
2024-04-21 18:53:24 +0000 UTC View Postthe timing of this was perfect 💙
the timing of this was perfect 💙
2024-04-20 18:30:04 +0000 UTC View Posta video in reference for artists 👩🏼🎨
a video in reference for artists 👩🏼🎨
2024-04-16 18:28:01 +0000 UTC View Post
I filmed a self portrait music video for my song One Foot Ou..
I filmed a self portrait music video for my song One Foot Out and I'm busy editing the heck out of it. Here are some stills 🥰 I got all the footage from my final days at the house before I moved out 😭 I love that I honored myself in this way!!!
2024-04-12 17:13:18 +0000 UTC View PostThe link to the first rough demo version of the song I share..
The link to the first rough demo version of the song I shared about ✨not looking for feedback, just sharing where we started. we have another session next week, and then we'll see where the song wants to go 💫
https://untitled.stream/library/track/YYcU0mYduzOp_oEHKJG1S
I've been waiting for an apology
Satisfaction would be nice
but it won't change a thing
the bridge is burned
the page is turned
you kept sleeping with your back to me that fucking hurt
that fucking hurt
I offered my heart
with open arms
dying to touch you
but you
you just got scared
you just threw stones
and I still loved you
what was I to do
but build up all these walls
now you want me back
but that's not my fault
cause I was ready to love you
I was ready to love you
we went upstate
your parents place
cinnamon and honey
my favorite day
and all that I
could give to you
was somethin you were missing
that's the honest truth
was it all so bad?
I was ready to love you
I went through a break up in the middle of recording my firs..
I went through a break up in the middle of recording my first solo album. it mirrored a pattern of my partners freaking out at me (actual yelling at me) once I start to pursue my solo artistry. I have always invited them in to witness or help or just be there for me. they create a conflict, wont let it go, wont say sorry or try to resolve. then I break it off, and it hurts for everyone.
I dont accept that treatment.
this one involved a co-owned LLC that we had to dissolve after the fact, and he got unnecessarily nasty after sending an (unnecessary) attorney to mitigate assets~ I am grateful, as it officially burned the bridge of connection so aggressively it lit up the truth. i did not want to burn it, and I did not burn it, and now it is burned.
it has taken me four months to process from deep sadness to anger. this is excellent news. when my dad died, it was deep sadness for about 8 years before i touched anger. my therapist has a metaphor-- actually it's just an onion. whichever emotion you start with is the outside layer of the onion, and the center of it is the other. sadness outside, anger inside. anger outside, sadness inside. i started with deep sadness and have processed through so much of it that last week when I started feeling anger I got excited. four months from eight years means i'm getting better and faster at processing naturally because i have been aware of the layers and given myself grace through it all.
the difference between me and this person right now is that i am interested in being aware of my flaws, the way i hurt people, and i am willing to do the work to consider other's feelings and grow from it. all without trying to hurt the other person. and without compromising my integrity and agency.
i go towards someone when there is conflict, because my old survival trained me to retreat. i have worked on so many things about myself for these very difficult moments, and i am so proud of it. i have reflected on so many ways I could have done better through this. with the circumstance I was in, I know I did my best. the growth from this lesson makes me teary because it is so big.
always comes back to: where do I stop listening to myself? when do I get on autopilot? when do I attach to an idea versus staying starkly honest in the present? how do I get back to myself?
anyway. I was so excited about this anger. the words havent processed enough to write my own songs (my best lyrics are a layer after I've fully emotionally processed-- like, poetic/mysterious/subconscious). so I reached out to Jesse (who brought in producer Peter) to co-write from this space. she is excellent at shaping words into pop/relatable phrases, and her melodies are wooooosh. makes me better. our powers combined put me in such an amazing space that I did some last minute ad-libs that came straight from my open heart.
here is a little teaser sound of what we wrote ✨
what do you see when you look at yourself?
what do you see when you look at yourself?
2024-04-07 18:25:04 +0000 UTC View Postthere's something about not quite seeing everything that fee..
there's something about not quite seeing everything that feels pretty revealing, no? your imagination is the best part of a series like this 🔥
2024-04-06 23:48:45 +0000 UTC View PostHad a splendid time filming myself in the last days of me li..
Had a splendid time filming myself in the last days of me living at my last home 🤍 the beautiful light, the beautiful reflections, the beautiful feelings I grew here. More to come 🤗
2024-04-02 20:16:13 +0000 UTC View Posttalk to me 💕 sometimes things are difficult to express and I..
talk to me 💕 sometimes things are difficult to express and I just decided to share 🙏🏻
2024-03-29 20:10:17 +0000 UTC View Post
me starting a self portrait shoot with my fiddle leaf fig, L..
me starting a self portrait shoot with my fiddle leaf fig, Louie
2024-03-14 04:30:48 +0000 UTC View Post
